Searching For “Crisco”

A little old guy is walking around in a supermarket calling out, “Crisco, Crissssssscoooo!”

Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, “Sir, the Crisco is in aisle 3.”

The old guy replies, “Oh, I’m not looking for the cooking stuff. I’m calling my wife. She’s in here somewhere.”

The clerk is astonished. “Your wife’s name is Crisco?”

The old guy answers, “Oh no, no, no. I only call her that when we’re out in public.”

“I see,” said the clerk. “What do you call her at home?”

“Lard ass.”

Searching For “Crisco”
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The Offerings

Offerings had been down the past several Sundays and the preacher decided he had to do something to change the trend. The next Sunday, as the plate was being passed he said…

“Brothers and Sisters, I don’t like to have to do this, but there is a man in the congregation who is having an affair with another parishioner’s wife, and if there is not at least twenty dollar bills in the collection, I will reveal his name.

Later, as he counted the money he found 50 twenty dollar bills, and a two dollar bill with a note that read “Forever hold your peace, I’ll have that other eighteen dollars before sundown.

The Offerings
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