I know what you’re thinking… ’cause I’m thinking it too: Man this isn’t really knee slapping comedy. But before you pass judgment, keep in mind that I’m actually pretty slow. By the time I come up with something timely and funny, eleven other people on the internet have already said it before me, and probably worded it better.
Grandpa and Grandma were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about “the good old days”.
Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, “Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?” Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his. With a wry little smile, Grandma pressed a little farther, “Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you’d sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?”
Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek.
Growing bolder still, Grandma said, “Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you’d kind of nibble on my ear?”
Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma said, “Honey, where are you going?”
Grandpa replied, “To get my teeth!”
A Lively Lesbian Line-up
What do you call a cupboard full of lesbians?
…A licker cabinet.
What do you call an Eskimo lesbian?
…A Klondyke.
What do you call 100 lesbians with guns?
…Militia Etheridge.
Why can’t lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time?
…Because they can’t eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face.
What do you call two lesbians in a canoe?
…Fur Traders.
What is a lesbian dinosaur called ?
…A Lickalotapuss.
What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?
…Well Hung.
Did you hear that Ellen DeGeneres drowned?
…She was found face down in Ricki Lake.
How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?
…Even the pool table doesn’t have balls.
What do you call lesbian twins?
…Lick-a-likes.
What’s the definition of confusion?
…Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.
What’s the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?
…One’s a snack cracker, the other’s a crack snacker
