Fascinate

One day, the teacher asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly said. “My family went to the zoo and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating.”

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate”.

Sally raised her hand and said, “My family went to the museum and I was fascinated”.

The teacher said, “well, that was good, Sally, but I want the word fascinate.”

But then Little Johnny raised his hand and said, “My sister has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big, she can only fascinate.”

Fascinate
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Sunday, July 30, 2017

How Much Time Do You Waste on Here?

So a commonly asked question that no one has ever asked me is, “How much time do you spend working on Flush Twice?”

And honestly, it varies. If I have enough jokes in my e-mail, then it’s pretty much a snap. I copy/paste the jokes into the queue, along with some editing to correct spelling, grammar, and fix any other errors that one typically finds in the copypasta. It’s just a mere five jokes a week, so I like to get it all done in an evening. Takes about an hour or two if things are going well.

These rants are just like any other “twittube” or “facespace” post that people make. I just type whatever nonsense comes off the top of my head. Other than ensuring that spelling, grammar, and paragraphing is adhered to, I make no claims that you’re reading the Journals’ of Ernest Hemingway. In fact, if you’re reading this, you’re probably more bored than I am and need to find a better hobby. All in all, it’s about an hour’s worth of my time, because I really don’t rush it, and there are frequent breaks and digressions.

The amount of time I spend on the comic is the real wildcard. Some weeks I spend a lot of time trying new stuff, while others I just quickly toss it together because I’m really not feeling it. Interestingly, the comic you see, and the stuff I’m working on, are not necessarily connected. The panels I publish are based on tried and true techniques that I feel comfortable using. Occasionally I might create something that looks really cool, but if creating it is very tedious or I’m just not able to consistently create that kind of work, then I’m not going to post it. A lot of really interesting (and sometimes disturbing) stuff ends up on the cutting room floor.

So there you have it. Jokes and rants take two to three hours a week, but the comic itself could be anywhere from 15 minutes to ten hours of time spent each week.

Pax,

-f2x

PS: I also just wanted to add that the tomatoes have finally ripened, and I’ve been enjoying the most delicious tomato sandwiches. Here’s the recipe:

  • Pick ripe tomato off of your tomato plant.
  • Put 2 slices of bread in toaster.
  • Slice tomato.
  • When bread pops up, spread on Miracle Whip (or mayo).
  • Add tomato slices and smash together.
  • Enjoy.

I suppose you could add bacon to this sandwich if you wanted to, but honestly they are so juicy and delicious by themselves, it’s almost a shame to mess with it.

Also, I wanted to touch on what makes a home grown tomato so much better than any store bought:

  1. They have a more concentrated tomato flavor.
  2. They are tender without being mushy.
  3. Juicy without being drippy
  4. …and they have that fresh tomato plant smell on them!
Sunday, July 30, 2017
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Behind the Filler

I’m working on it…

So my comic isn’t just about making a comic. It’s about improving the way I make the comic so that it looks better next year than it does now. In order to do that I have to be able to not only “practice, practice, practice”, I have to literally define what it is that my characters are to look like. It’s not just one either. I’ve got to go through and revamp the entire cast. Doing this requires a system of templates in order to maintain consistency, and all this effort can be tedious and time consuming.

This isn’t quite the “end product” that I’m looking for yet, but there are some very subtle improvements to the templates that I’m using to build the characters. Brandon’s pants are clearer, and includes a fly, the shoulders were slightly reshaped to look more natural, the arms were enlarged to be more proportional, and all of it is getting reshaded. In spite of the effort, more work is still needed. For now however, I have to focus on other areas of my life that take precedence.

There’s one change I tried that really kind of startled me. I liked it, but I’m not really sure I want to go there… I shrank the head to make it more proportional to the body, and the result was kinda sexy.

So what do you think? Does the smaller head work? Keep in mind that the smaller Brandon is proportionately smaller, but that’s actually how big the head usually is on my characters. I just never really noticed how bobbly they’d gotten, and thought, hmmm… What if…

Whoa. The consensus on the second panel seems to be very much against shrinking the head to make it more proportional. Obviously we won’t be going in that direction, but I thought it was an interesting look. Thanks for letting me know.

OK, that’s all I got time for. See you next week.

Pax,

-f2x

Behind the Filler
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The Prince’s Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, “Will you marry me?”

The Princess immediately said, “No!”

And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women, and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to “gentlemen’s clubs” and dated ladies half his age, and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching, and never paid child support or alimony, and dated cheerleaders, and kept his house and guns, and ate spam and potato chips and beans, and blew enormous farts, and never got cheated on while he was at work, and all his friends and family thought he was friggin’ cool as hell, and he had tons of money in the bank, and left the toilet seat up.

The End.

The Prince’s Fairy Tale
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Quasi Fideli

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said, “Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”

Martha replied, “Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you on three occasions during these 50 years, but always for a good reason.”

Henry was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but said, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons?'”

Martha said, “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?”

Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?”

Martha asked, “Do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge.”

“I recall that,” said Henry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time.”

“All right,” Martha said. “So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 53 more votes?”

Quasi Fideli
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