Sunday, May 22, 2016


Bonus Weekend!

Usually I don’t post jokes on Saturday/Sunday, but something’s piqued my curiosity enough to get me to do it. It has to do with the daily number of visitors that the site gets. The lion’s share is always referrals from Google’s search results.

So the question I have is this: Why do I get significantly fewer visits on the weekends? Is it because there are fewer people searching for jokes on the weekends, or is it because Google doesn’t think Flush Twice is good enough because there weren’t any new jokes on the weekend?

So I’m going to post weekend jokes for a while and see what happens to the numbers. Heck, it could just be that fewer people waste their time on the internet on the weekends. But I need to know the answer to the question: “What happens if I post jokes on the weekend?”

Continuing the Pathos Project

I also want to remind people that I’m running some nonsense panels on the side called, “Pathos in the Plumbing”. Perhaps practice can make proficiency, and if I stop worrying about whether or not it’s any good, in time making good ones won’t be any harder than making bad ones.

Pax,

-f2x

Sunday, May 15, 2016


The Pathos Series

This past Friday I spontaneously introduced a sidebar panel. The idea is that I can make more comics if I just stick to a single panel and not try to make it any good. Basically, it’s mindless eye candy.

Back in the day, I used to put out a daily panel. It wasn’t easy, but I kept it pretty simple. It evolved into a multi-panel serial comic that’s rarely updated. That’s kind of like- not having any comic at all.

How often is “Pathos in the Plumbing” expected to be updated? I’m not sure yet, but I’m aiming for quantity over quality, and while it isn’t meant to replace the serial, it will most likely conflict with the serial and even retard its production.

This doesn’t mean I’m abandoning the main serial. On the contrary. I’m using the Pathos series as practice. That’s why it’s OK if the panels suck or completely lack any sort of reason or sense. I need the exercise, and it would be kind of a waste to bury these synaptic excretions.

Again, I just want to mention: It’s not supposed to be anything particularly well written or produced… It’s some of the pathos leaking out of my mind. Try not to take it seriously.

Pax,

f2x

Sunday, May 8, 2016


I’m not really in the mood for this.

This past week was generally uneventful, and for the most part I’ve just been taking things kinda easy. And why not? Usually things don’t seem to go my way, so when the forces of the universe ease off, I think I’m entitled to a little R & R.

So I’ve got a lot of things to do today, and among them are mowing the lawn, rearranging the furniture, and getting things ready for the coming work week. Oh, and the jokes… I still have to get those in the queue. It doesn’t look as though I’m going to have time to work on the comic.

What happened with the comic? Well back in March, I had a major debilitating incident with my back. As a result I replaced my computer desk chair with a La-Z-Boy, and got rid of the computer desk. Now I surf the internet from the recliner. While it’s more comfortable for surfing, it’s absolutely worthless for creating and editing graphics.

So I’m going to try to rearrange a few things… Maybe it will work, but probably not… but if it does, then it might help me get back to working on the comic.

Sunday, May 1, 2016


Still Plagued by Computer Woes

So if you tuned in on Friday… Oh wait, you couldn’t have because the servers at IX Webhosting barfed, and Flush Twice was offline from 2:30pm Thursday until 6:30am Saturday.

Also, I decided to reformat/re-install my primary computer here at home on Thursday, so I was kind of out of the loop when it all went down. This computer is still having a connectivity issue I’m not quite sure how to handle, but overall it’s working a lot better than it was when I took it out of service a while back.

My backup computer is is a netbook. I’m beginning to think it’s infected with the Stuxnet virus because it thinks the cooling fan is an Iranian centrifuge. It’s weird how the system temp goes really low- like around 40°C – and the fan is still in maximum overdrive. I’m going to have to take this one apart and go at it with some canned air.

And while Flush Twice is back online (for now), it’s still doing something very weird backstage that I don’t like. I may have to format and reinstall this one as well.

But for right now, at this very moment, things are working. It’s Sunday and I want to take a day off to rest. I’ll work on this stuff next Saturday, and perhaps the weekend after that as well. If it all goes to shit between now and then, you’re on your own.

Pax,

-f2x

Sunday, April 24, 2016


Without going into a lot of boring detail, my computers (yes plural) are giving me fits again. Even Flush Twice seems to be getting a bit wonky, so if you notice any odd, undesired behavior, you can be sure that no one here knows how to fix it.

Aside from the usual headaches, I’m back to working a shit-ton of overtime at the moment… Oh wait, you’re always hearing me talk about how much overtime I get… Do I ever not get a lot of overtime? Well sure… It’s just that I don’t announce it when I’m only getting 40 hours.

So let’s do the math: I’m having computer issues plus a busy schedule, and before you know it we’re back on hiatus.

Pax,

f2x

Sunday, April 17, 2016


The Save-A-Lot Experience

I gotta tell ya, I’m a cheap bastard. So you better believe I was one happy little fucker when I found out that a Save-A-Lot was going in at the end of my street. I’ve seen their ads in my junk mail and the newspapers at work for years. It was usually the jaw dropping meat prices that got my attention. They also seemed to have pretty good deals on produce as well.

So after months of waiting for them to renovate a vacant building, they finally opened their new store. When I made the time to take a look, I was dismayed that the rest of the old shopping plaza was still a run down dump, but the new store front looked very fresh and modern from the outside.

When I got inside, things seemed pretty normal at first. They had the endcap items and then you’d see that same items a little further down the aisle, then you’d see it again a few aisles over, and pretty soon you start to wonder if the person who did the store layout also does video game design.

Of course there weren’t any of those earth shattering sales going on this week, but I did pick up a can of Vienna sausages for 45¢. I found out later that they leave out the middle sausage so they can pass the savings on to you! They also had a loaf of bread for 89¢. I didn’t notice it at the time but the slices were childishly small and could make Donald Trump’s hands look huge. Of course the off-brand names were kind of entertaining as well. It was pure genius to name a carbonated beverage “Dr. Pop”.

But the one telltale sign that let me know exactly the kind of place I was in, was the smell of the clientele. Stale cigarettes and beer filled the air as the country music played quietly over the store’s PA. These weren’t Costco shoppers; these were purgatorians.

But still, it’s another grocery option on my way home from work, and their prices are generally decent. Just remember to bring your own shopping bags.

Pax,

-f2x

Saturday, April 16, 2016


Oh, Sorry, there’s no comic this week. I just wanted to mention that yesterday we received more visits than I’ve seen in over a year. Of course half of them were probably bots, but statistically, it looks like actual people were coming to the site to read the jokes.

(hint: this makes me happy!)

Just a reminder, your tax forms are due Monday, so… If you don’t get around to it, the IRS is probably going to get around to you. Since I only have income that’s clearly enumerated on a singular W-2 form, my taxes were done months ago and the refund money is spent.

Also- Since I’m nearly broke, I’m working at my day job today in an effort to get some overtime. That means I’m probably not going to have much time to work on comics or jokes for next week. It’s like that old saying: The best way to get out of responsibilities is to say, “I have responsibilities.” Well, I have them, and you’ll just have to accept that.

OK, so pretty much nobody is going to see this because there is no new joke or comic today, and Sunday’s news will be up here tomorrow. As always, thanks for stopping by.

Pax,

-f2x

PS: “Pax” is the Latin word for “Peace”.

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Please Do Not Consume Raw Cookie Dough

So I’m shopping at my local grocery when I got a sudden hankering for fresh made chocolate chip cookies. Keep in mind the store is pumping delicious aromas into my nostrils. My left brain kicks in and says: “Cookies in the bakery are too expensive.” OK, so that’s out… How about the cookie isle? “They taste terrible compared to the real deal!” says the right brain. So what about making them from scratch? The right and left brain thought about it for a moment before unanimously shouting “No!” with the right brain objecting to a lack of immediate gratification, and the left pointing out that I’ll probably just eat all the chips before I ever get around to making the cookie dough.

Pre-made cookie dough! What about a tube of cookie dough?

The left brain was trying to say something about the cost when the right brain threw a heavy blanket over the left hemisphere while jumping up and down shouting “Get it! Get it! Get it! It’s on sale! Get it!”

Don’t remind me that I’m already waaaay too fat as it is… I bought the cookie dough and took it home. “preheat oven to 350…” I got the cookie sheet out of the oven and began to prepare for this evening’s gluttony. Along the way I noticed that a serving size is one (1) cookie. One fucking cookie?! Aw come on! I could eat a dozen before reaching for a glass of milk… OK, so how many servings in this “tube”? I could scarcely believe the pitifully low number: 16. That’s it… Sixteen cookies in a tube. Oh well… My cookie sheet only holds 14 cookies anyway. The last two blobs of uncooked dough are for my troubles.

And then I read it… “Please do not consume raw cookie dough.”

My shit day has already been shitty enough, and now I’m faced with this plea to not consume the product in what is arguably it’s tastiest form.

When did they start putting that shit on there? As if eating a pile of chocolate chip cookies is a healthy food choice to begin with. Who are these people to tell me how to live my life after providing me with a foodstuff that (baked on not) is essentially a tube of diabetes?

My job sucks. My day sucked. My life sucks. Fuck you. I’m eating the raw cookie dough.

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Hey folks, thanks for stopping by. We’ve got new jokes Monday through Friday, and an archive filled with hundreds of jokes. If it isn’t too much trouble, please rate the jokes you read! You’ve got stars one through ten. Click on star number one if you hated the joke, star number 10 if you loved the joke, or pick one of the stars in between that you feel is most appropriate. Heck, you can even click on the date above to go to the page where you can rate my rant! You can even leave comments to tell me what a fantastic site this is, or to tell me how you really feel! It’s free as in speech and beer, and you’ve got nothing to lose by playing along!

Pax,

-f2x

Friday, April 8, 2016


I’m Calling It

Perhaps you’ve seen something in the news about these “Panama Papers”. It seems the rabble within concerned online communities are frothing at the mouth over the thought that their ruling elites will somehow be held accountable, and justice will rain down from heaven upon those evil doers.

Whatever.

So the PM of Iceland stepped aside for a bit, a few world leaders acted like they were squirming a little, and a few calls for action were made, but the bottom line is this: Those in power will sacrifice a few of their members who’ve been getting a little sloppy lately, while the rest of them vindicate themselves and introduce new legislation that will promise to crack down on these “shell companies”.

Will this stop the practice? The reality of the situation implies something else… The rich and powerful will move on to their next secret tax haven. What is it? No one knows yet because it’s a secret, but rest assured they have plenty of backup plans. Meanwhile the rest of us will be burdened with some kind of bureaucratic red tape to remind us that our government is doing something about it. (Which is mainly forcing us to hop through more red tape so we don’t have the time and energy to deal with the fact that nothing’s really changed.)

So there… I’ve called it. Only time will tell if I’m right, but check back in about a year and tell me if I’m wrong.

Pax,

-f2x

Sunday, April 3, 2016


Just so you know, I actually write these sidebars before they get published, so sometimes I have to rely on what I think I would say if it actually were Sunday. Right now it’s the Friday night before Sunday, so it’s not that far out. Even though there aren’t any jokes in the queue yet, I’m going to assume that by Sunday there will be, so let’s just pretend the queue is ready to go and there’s five jokes ready for the coming week.

A while back I deleted all the IP block-lists from the .htaccess file because I thought perhaps there might be people trying to visit through VPN’s or even TOR. I figured the site’s defenses were robust enough to hold its own against the hackers and spammers. It turns out I’ve been introduced to another internet scourge called scrapers. They basically rifle through the site and steal content. Even though this is mildly annoying, I’ll allow it for now. While I don’t agree with their methods, I don’t claim to actually own the jokes I publish, so they’re free to take them. In fact I maintain that all jokes are old jokes and predate most of the living.

Of course it goes from bad to worse… I can’t tell if there were any VPN or TOR users trying to get at the jokes, so my internal analytics are once again useless. The statistic plugin that I use can’t really tell a bot from a human, so I have no idea how many people actually visit the site. It would seem the humans are a mere drop in the bucket compared to all the bots out there.

Pax,

-f2x