The Redneck’s Prostitute

redneckA redneck was walking home late at night and noticed a woman lurking in the shadows.

“I can give you a good time for five dollars”, she called out.

Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but what the heck, its only five bucks, so he took her around behind the bushes. It had only been a few minutes when all of a sudden a light flashed on them. It was a police officer.

“What’s going on here?”, demanded the officer.

Bubba was startled, and he cried out, “I’m making out with my wife!”

“Oh, I’m sorry”, said the cop, “I didn’t know she was your wife.”

Bubba said, “Well, neither did I, till ya shined that light in her face.”

The Redneck’s Prostitute
Be the only person to ever rate this!

The Plane Is Going Down

mexicanA Russian, a Mexican, and an American were taking a small charter flight over the Atlantic. Without warning the pilot comes back from the cockpit and tells them that the plane is having engine trouble and they’re losing altitude. “If we don’t lose weight quickly, we’re going to crash into the ocean!”

The Russian pulls a tarp off a large palette of Russian vodka. He says, “We have plenty of this Vodka back in mother Russia,” as he shoves it out the cargo bay.

The pilot comes back and shouts, “It’s not enough, we’re still losing altitude!”

The Mexican pulls the tarp off a large crate containing the finest tequila. “We have plenty of tequila back in Mexico,” he says as he shoves it out of the cargo bay.

It wasn’t long and the pilot shouts back, “We’re doing better, but we still need to lose a little more weight or we’ll crash!”

Without hesitation, the American grabs the Mexican and throws him out the door, and says, “We have plenty of Hispanics back in the States.”

The Plane Is Going Down
Be the only person to ever rate this!

Arabian Ailment

arabYusef came to the United States from Saudi Arabia, and he was only here a few months when he became very ill. He went to Doctor after Doctor, but none of them could help him.

Finally, he went to an Arab Doctor. The Doctor said, “Take dees bucket, go into de odder room, poop in de bucket, pee on de poop, and den put your head down over de bucket and breathe in de fumes for ten minutes.”

Yusef took the bucket, went into the other room, pooped in the bucket, peed on the poop, bent over and breathed in the fumes for ten minutes.

Coming back to the Doctor he said, “It worked. I feel terrific! What was it?”

The Doctor said, “You were homesick.”

Arabian Ailment
Be the only person to ever rate this!

The Exchange Rate

asianAn Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and the clerk exchanged it for $72

The following week, he walked in with another 2000 yen, and was handed $66. He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week.

The teller said, “Fluctuations.”

The Asian man began to storm out, while turning around and shouting, “Fluc you Americans, too!”

The Exchange Rate
Be the only person to ever rate this!

Presidents’ Day

presidentsThe next day in class, the teacher stood before the class room and said, “Next month is February, students, and on the third Monday of every February, we celebrate Presidents’ Day. Can anyone tell me why we celebrate Presidents’ Day?”

There was a moment of thoughtful silence from the class before Suzy raised her hand.

“Oh good,” thought the teacher, “surely Suzy will know why we celebrate Washington and Lincoln’s birthdays.”

Suzy paused for a moment and started out slowly, “Presidents’ Day is when President Obama walks out the front door of the White House, and if he sees his shadow it means we have one more year of unemployment.”

Presidents’ Day
Be the only person to ever rate this!