A Racist Air Disaster

af1The jumbo jet was crossing the Atlantic when the captain made an announcement over the loudspeaker, “Folks, we’re having some engine trouble and we’re losing altitude unless we can lose some weight. We’ve already dumped all your luggage, but it wasn’t enough. We hate to do this, but we’re going to have to ask some of you to sacrifice yourselves for the survival of the rest of us. To be fair, we’ll go alphabetically. Now do we have any African-Americans on board? Would the African-Americans please step forward.”
The passengers were all stunned with horror over the announcement, but no one moved.
“OK then,” said the pilot, “Do we have any blacks on board? Would the blacks please step forward.”
Again, the passengers stared in disbelief, but no one moved.
“Moving along then, are there any coloreds? If you’re colored, please step forward.”
At this point a little girl tugged at her mother’s arm and said, “Mommy? I thought we were African-Americans?”
“No Dear,” her mother replied, “Today we are Niggers. And if there aren’t any Mexicans on board, we’ll be Zulus.”

A Racist Air Disaster
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A Dog Walks into a Bar

dogOne day, and dog walked into a bar and casually took a seat on a bar stool. “Bartender,” said the dog, “I’ll have a bottle of Bud, and a bag of potato chips please.”
The astonished bartender complies and is further amazed that despite the lack of opposable thumbs, the canine is able to pick up the bottle and chips with ease.
“That’s incredible,” says the barman. “With a talent like yours, you should join the circus!”
“Why?” replied the dog. “Do they need an electrician?”

A Dog Walks into a Bar
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Bangkok Cock

doctorA businessman on an extended trip to Asia had been making use of the various local brothels. One morning he awoke to a shooting pain from his nether regions. Looking down at his manhood, he saw it was bright red, painfully swollen, and covered in oozing blisters. In a panic he rushed for medical assistance.
The first doctor he spoke to said, “Ah, you have Bangkok cock! We have no cure for that, and it must be amputated right away!”
“Certainly not!” protested the man. “I want a second opinion,” and he left the office.
The next doctor was just as emphatic, “You have very contagious Bangkok cock! We must amputate immediately!”
“I don’t think so,” said the man, and he left that hospital as well.
Getting desperate, he finds another doctor in the poorer part of town, and explains to the doctor what the other two doctors had told him. After a quick exam, the doctor told him, “Yes, you do have Bangkok cock, but there’s no need to amputate.”
“Whew! That’s a relief,” said the man. “So what can I do about this?”
“One… Maybe two weeks,” said the doctor, “and it will fall off by itself.”

Bangkok Cock
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The Toilet Paper Trick

toilet paperThe wife kept staring at the mirror pushing her chest out and trying to push her bust up. After about twenty minutes of this, her husband asked, “Hon, what are you doing?”
“I just wish my breasts were bigger,” she replied.
“Well if that’s all it is,” he said, “just rub some toilet paper on them every evening before you go to bed.”
“What on earth for? I’ve never heard of such a crazy thing!” she scorned.
“Well it worked for your ass didn’t it?”

The Toilet Paper Trick
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Caught in a Pickle (slicer)

pickleA man was employed at a local food processing facility. One day when he comes home from work he confides in his wife, “Lately, at work, I’ve been having bad thoughts… really bad. I feel compelled to stick my dick in the pickle slicer.”
“That’s terrible!” shouts his wife, “You need therapy!”
“You might be right,” says the husband.
So, he starts going to therapy, and things seem to be going well for while, but one day he comes home from work early and his wife can see it on his face. “No!” she cries, “Tell me you didn’t do it!”
“I sorry, honey” her husband sobs, “I couldn’t help myself. I did it. I stuck my dick in the pickle slicer!
“So, what happened?!” asks his wife.
“Well, I got fired.” says the husband.
“No!” his wife yells, “What happened with the pickle slicer?!”
“Oh, they fired her too.”
Caught in a Pickle (slicer)
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