The Parents’ Divorce

An elderly man in Florida calls his son in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough.”

“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in LA and tell her,” and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “They’re not getting divorced if I have anything to do about it,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this.”

She calls Florida immediately, and screams at the old man, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife and says, “Okay, they’re coming for Thanksgiving. Now what do we tell them for Christmas?”

A Lesson in Politics

A little boy goes to his dad and asks,”Dad, what’s Politics?”

Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family, so call me the President. Your mother is in charge of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the people. The nanny, we will consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we will call him the future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.”

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy. So the little boy goes to his parent’s room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and see s his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.”

The father says, “That’s good, son. Now tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”

The little boy replies, “The President is screwing the working class while the government is sound asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit.”

Canoness Cucumbers

Three nuns went to a vegetable stand in an open market one day. They asked how much the cucumbers were.
The merchant said that they were 25 cents a piece.
The nuns huddled into a discussion and decided to purchase four.
The puzzled merchant asked why they needed four cucumbers when there were only three of them.
A nun answered back, “Well, I suppose we could always eat the extra one.”

Potency Problems

A young couple was trying to start a family. After months with no success, they consulted a noted physician.
The doctor brought the couple into the examination room and informed them that the husband’s sperm count was fine, and the test results showed no other anomalies. He would then proceed by examining the wife, and asked her to completely disrobe.
“What? With him in the room?!” she yelled, while pointing at her husband.
The doctor turned to the man and said, “I think I found the problem.”