A Pricey Funeral

After James passed away, his will provided $35,000 for an elaborate funeral.

After the the services, the widow’s sister asked, “How much did this really cost?”

“All of it,” said the widow. “All thirty-five thousand.”

“No!” the sister exclaimed. “I mean, it was very nice, but $35,000?”

The widow explained, “The funeral was $10,000. I donated $2500 to the church. The wake, food, and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone.”

“$22,000 for a memorial stone?” balked the sister. “My God, how big is it?!”

With a wry smile, the widow replied, “Two and a half carats.”

A Pricey Funeral
1 vote

Luxury Cars

A guy driving a Yugo pulled up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce.

The driver of the Yugo rolled down his window and shouted to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got one in my Yugo!”

The driver of Rolls looked over and said, “Yes I have a phone.”

The driver of the Yugo replied, “Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I’ve got a fridge in the back seat of my Yugo!”

The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, said, “Yes, I have a refrigerator.”

The driver of the Yugo said, “That’s great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!”

The driver of the Rolls, getting rather peeved, said, “Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!”

The driver of the Yugo said, “Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!”

Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls-Royce sped away, and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in the back of the Rolls.

The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up the car. The bed looked superb, complete with silk sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls Royce.

So the driver of the Rolls began searching for the Yugo. Finally he found the Yugo parked with all the windows fogged up on the inside. The driver of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Yugo. The owner rolled down the window and stuck his head out, soaking wet.

“I just wanted to mention that I have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,” the Rolls driver stated arrogantly.

The Yugo’s owner looked at him and said, “You got me out of the shower for THAT?!”


Bonus:

Q: What’s the difference between a Jehovah’s Witness and a Yugo?

A: You can close the door on a Jehovah’s Witness.

Luxury Cars
1 vote

Don’t Forget to Ask

After meeting in a singles bar, the man went back to the woman’s apartment for some heavy petting and a night of passionate sex.

The next morning when the guy woke up next to the woman, he looked into her eyes and asked, “By the way, I forgot to ask you if you ever had AIDS.”

The woman was slightly irked about the question, but she promptly denied that she had ever had the disease.

“That’s a relief,” said the man. “I’d hate to catch that again!”

Don’t Forget to Ask
1 vote

Titanium Test Tactics

At the University, the blonde’s final exam was comprised of only true false questions.

She took her seat in the examination hall, stared at the question paper for five minutes, took a quarter from her purse, and started flipping the coin. She marked true for heads and false for tails.

Within half an hour it seemed she had filled in all the answers while the rest of the class still struggled with the questions.

Everything seemed fine up to the last five minutes of the test when the blonde started frantically throwing the coin while swearing and sweating.

The alarmed professor approached her and asked what her problem was.

“I was finished with the exam,” she said, “But now I am rechecking my answers.”

Titanium Test Tactics
1 vote

Concealed Carry Granny

During a routine traffic stop, the state trooper asked the little old lady for her driver’s license, registration, and proof of insurance. The elderly woman took out the required information and handed it to the officer.

Within the cards she handed the trooper, there was a concealed carry permit. The officer was a little surprised but followed the protocol. He asked if she had a weapon in her possession at the present time.

The old woman responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove box, a 9mm Glock in her center console, and a .38 special in her purse.

Taken aback by the old lady’s arsenal, he asked her what was she so afraid of.

The old woman looked him right in the eye and said, “Not a damn thing!”

Concealed Carry Granny
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