The Montana Department of Labor suspected a rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
“I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the agent.
“Well,” replied the farmer, “there’s my farm hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $350 a week plus he gets free room and board.
“The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $300 per week plus free room and board.
“Then there’s the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $15 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.”
“That’s the guy I want to talk to… the half-wit,” said the agent.
“That would be me,” replied the rancher.
A minister wasn’t sure about how to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
During the meeting with the organist the minister asked about what kind of inspirational music she could play after the announcement about the finances to get the congregation in a giving mood.
“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’ll think of something.”
During the service, the minister paused and said, “Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up.”
Just at that moment, the organist started playing, “The Star Spangled Banner.”
“Look, Johnny,” said the coach, “I’ve taught you the principles of good sportsmanship. You understand that the Little League doesn’t allow temper tantrums, shouting at the umpire, or abusive language, right?”
Little Johnny nodded, “Yes sir, I understand.”
“Good. Now, would you please explain it to your father?”
A 747 was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and prepare for an emergency landing.
A moment later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
“All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except for some lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.”
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.
Congress said, “Someone may steal from it at night.” So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?” So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.
Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing his tasks correctly?” So they created the Quality Control Department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.
Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?” So they created a time keeper and a payroll officer position, then hired two people for the roles.
Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?” So they created an administrative section and hired three people: An Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.
Then Congress said, “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cut back on overall cost.”
So they laid off the night watchman.