I originally registered flush2x.com in the beginning of May, 2003 to use as a dumping ground for all the jokes and funny pictures I used to get from my friends via e-mail. Within a couple weeks I registered www.flushtwice.com because that’s actually how you were supposed to pronounce it. Eventually I decided to ditch the flush2x.com domain because “nobody got it”. The big takeaway here is that Flush Twice is a privately owned non-commercial website cataloguing jokes, and it has been operating since May of 2003.
The latest addition to the features on Flush Twice is “Better Things”. It’s a Monday through Friday feature that is meant to replace the daily jokes. Every weekday, a new site will be featured. I’ll post the name of the site with a clickable link, the most current screenshot at the time the post was created, and a short blurb about the site so you know what to expect.
If you know of fun quirky site to include, you can always send me an email (flush2x at gmail) with the subject line “Better Things”.
Since the beginning, the jokes came from e-mails. Although all the original contributors are gone, Flush Twice was created to house all the jokes that friends and associates relentlessly kept forwarding to me. At one time I had so many jokes coming at me every day that I thought I’d never run out of material. Ah… The good ol’ days!
Unfortunately times changed. the “class clowns” of the e-mail world have fallen out of vogue, and I’m lucky to get enough jokes to make it through the week. Sometimes I have to find other sources, but the majority of the jokes still come from e-mail contributors.
I hate to say it, but there just aren’t a lot of new jokes to tell out there anymore. For this reason, I’ve decide to stop posting jokes and replace it with a new feature called “Better Things”. (See above.) For now I see no reason to remove any of the old content, so feel free to scroll through the archives and relive some of the laughs posted over the years.
Unless a submitted joke was an “internet classic”, I usually rewrote it. Verb tense was changed to the past; new character names were arbitrarily assigned; hard to read accents were removed from the dialogue; spelling, grammar, punctuation, and structure was cleaned up; and the actual punchline appeared at the end of the final sentence. Basically, it was the same joke as had been submitted, but it had been properly proofread and edited.
If you’re still forwarding jokes to your friends, family, and coworkers, please add me to your list! My e-mail address is email@example.com and I promise never to spam you or your friends. In fact I go to great lengths to make sure everyone’s privacy and boundaries are respected in this regard. I love to get stuff like that.
The comic on this site was introduced in January of 2004. It started out as stylized stick figures, but as time went by it evolved into a fairly unique style. It was created using Paint Shop Pro (PSP) 4.14 by JASC software, a simple bitmap editing program that’s been around since 1997. While it lacks a lot of the sophisticated features available in more modern software, it’s what I’m proficient with.
Since the tail end of 2011, the sets/backgrounds for the comic have been designed using the game engine “Cube 2 Sauerbraten”. After creating custom textures in PSP, I built custom maps inside the game engine. When I need to set up a scene, I find the right “camera angle” and take a screen shot. From that point on, it’s all handled in Paint Shop Pro again, and the characters are just “pasted” onto the scene.
I take a certain amount of care to make my comics look as neat and clean as I can. While I do make extensive use of the copy/paste tool, there’s actually a lot of work that goes into the comic. Despite never having any formal training in art, a decade of self-taught experience has finally given way to something that almost looks like it was done by a professional. Personally, I think it looks damn good.
For a time, I used to post a new joke and panel every day. As the sophistication of the comic increased, the panels became more time consuming to produce. I could no longer keep up with a daily schedule. Today, jokes are published Monday through Friday, and a new comic is posted in the sidebar on the weekend (always anchored to Saturday).
I’d started putting a kind of “site status” block of text in the sidebar to let people know about the various site issues I was working on. After discovering and incorporating certain WordPress plugins that allowed me to isolate posts by category and place them in specific sidebar locations, I decided to give those little status update blocks their own posts.
It didn’t take long for my narcissistic tendency for showboating to creep through. I figured, let’s just call a spade a spade, and renamed that section to “Sunday’s Rant”.
Sometimes it’s news about the site, sometimes it’s things happening in my life, sometimes it’s my nauseatingly long winded bloviations about things no normal person would ever give two shits about. So it’s basically whatever I want to ramble on about, and I don’t think anyone should put much effort in trying to analyze it. I’ve gone back and read through some of it myself, and honestly, I don’t think I know what I’m talking about half the time.
If you like the rants, great, if not, I can’t say I blame you. Just enjoy the jokes and pay no attention to that junk in the sidebar. I don’t think anyone actually ever reads that stuff anyway.
Were you offended by a joke?
Flush Twice tells a lot of jokes, and a lot of them aren’t politically correct. There are blonde jokes, black, white, brown, and asian jokes, jokes about gays, midgets, rednecks, Irish, Polish, Arabs, Jews, and Mexicans. There’s jokes about lawyers, nuns and priests, politicians, prostitutes, and adulterers. There are jokes about men and women, the young and the old, the rich and the poor, the smart and the dumb, and the beautiful and the ugly. There’s also a lot of jokes about sex, violence, perversion, the grotesque, and humor most profane. And while I’ve seen plenty of jokes I felt were too dumb to post, I’ve never held back on jokes that were potentially too disturbing.
As you can see, this collection of jokes doesn’t discriminate, and everyone and everything is fair game. Offensive jokes tend to be funnier precisely because the subject is generally considered taboo. That “shocking” element is used to enhance the underlying humor.
Ultimately, no one here is trying to be a sexist or a racist or endorsing any kind of bigotry. We’re just telling jokes, and some jokes are offensive to some people, and that’s that. There really isn’t much else to say. If you like the jokes and comics, please come back often and share us with your friends.
What’s my favorite joke? Well thanks for asking:
A baby penguin goes up to his mother and asks, “Mommy, am I a penguin?”
The mother looks down with a smile and a says, “Yes dear. You are a penguin.”
A little while later the little guy waddles back up and asked again, “Mommy, are you sure I’m a penguin?”
Slightly annoyed she replied, “I already told you once that you are. Now run along and play.”
Before long, the little bird came back and squawked, “Mommy, are you really, really sure I’m a penguin?”
Now noticeably agitated the mother snapped, “Look, I am a penguin, your father is a penguin, and your baby sister is a penguin! You are definitely a penguin! Now why is this question so troubling to you?”
The little fellow cried out, “Because I’m fucking cold!”
This concludes the “About” page. Originally this page was published on March 27, 2009, but it was last updated on Saturday, July 29, 2023 to include “Better Things”. Let me know if you feel it didn’t cover enough or said too much. Thanks again for visiting.