A surgeon, an architect, and a politician were arguing about whose profession was the oldest.
The surgeon began, “Eve was made from Adam’s rib, and that surely was a surgical procedure.”
“Maybe,” said the architect, “but prior to that, order was created out of chaos, and that was an architectural job!”
The politician interrupted, “Well who do you think created the chaos in the first place?”
A blonde walked into a lumber yard and and told the clerk she needed some two by fours.
With a nod, the clerk asked, “How long?”
The blonde’s brow furrowed with a worried look of confusion. After thinking about it for a moment, the blonde replied, “A really long time; I’m building a shed.”
A couple of preachers stood along a rural road with a large sign that read, “The end is near! Turn yourself around before it’s too late!”
As a car drove by, they frantically waived their arms, yelled at the motorist, and pointed to the sign.
Unphased, the driver yelled out his window, “Get out of the road you religious zealots!” He proceeded to drive around the bend, and a moment later there was the sound of a large splash.
One of the preachers looked to the other and said, “I told you we should put up a sign that reads ‘Bridge Out’ instead.”
A politician was driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, he crashed into a tree along an old farmer’s field.
Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politician.
After the farmer tossed the body into the hole, the politician came to and pleaded for someone to help as the dirt rained down on him from above.
A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed vehicle, and asked the old farmer, “Was he dead?”
“Well,” The old farmer replied with a thoughtful expression, “He said he wasn’t, but you know how them politicians lie.”
A father heard sobbing coming from his three year old son’s room. Rushing in, he found the boy crying hysterically.
The boy told his dad that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die.
In an attempt to calm him down, the father palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from his ear. the little boy was delighted.
In a flash, he snatched it from his father’s hand, swallowed it, then cheerfully demanded, “Do it again, Dad!”