The teacher told Johnny to stay after class. “Johnny I have a feeling that you have been cheating on your tests.”
Johnny denied the accusation and told the teacher to prove it.
The teacher explained, “The first question on the test was ‘Who was the first President of the United States, and Mary, who sits next to you, put down George Washington, and so did you.”
“So what?” said Johnny. “Everyone knows he was the first President.”
“Ah, but the next question was ‘Who freed the slaves?’, and both you and Mary wrote down Abraham Lincoln,” remarked the teacher.
“Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that,” said Johnny.
“Yes, but the next question was, ‘Who was President during the Louisiana Purchase?'” said the teacher. “Mary put ‘I don’t know,’ and you put, ‘Me neither’.”
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead had been stranded on a desert island for many years.
One day they found a magic lamp washed up on the shore. Together they rubbed it, and out popped a genie.
“I can grant three wishes”, said the Genie, “but since the three of you are together, you will have only one wish a piece.”
The three nodded in understanding, and the redhead stepped forward to make the first wish. “I hate it here. It is too hot and too boring. I want to go home!”
The genie’s voice boomed loudly, “Your wish is my command!” And off she went.
The the brunette went next and said, “I miss my friends and family. I want to go home, too!”
With a loud thunderous clap of his hands, the genie announce, “Your wish is granted!” And off she went.
The blonde looked around and started crying. She wiped the tears from her eyes and said, “There’s no one left and I’m all alone. I wish my friends were back here!”
Little Suzy asked her friend Bobby what a penis was.
Bobby wasn’t sure, so he told Suzy he would ask his dad.
That evening Bobby asked his dad what a penis was. His dad exposed himself to his son and with his penis in hand said, “Son this is a penis. In fact, if you take a good look you will see that this is a perfect penis.”
The next day Bobby met with Suzy behind a hedge.
Bobby pulled down his shorts and said, “Suzy, this is a penis. In fact, if it were three inches shorter it would be a perfect penis!”
Tom was a devout Catholic and heard that the Pope was coming to town. Hoping to gain the attention of the pontiff he bought a tuxedo.
He went to the parade in his formalwear and notice a bum standing a few yards away from him. The man had old, tattered and dirty clothes on, and looked to be in a very bad way.
It wasn’t long before the the Pope passed by. Tom was disappointed when the pope overlooked him and went over to the bum instead, but he was absolutely amazed to see the Pope speek to the man and whispered something in his ear.
The old bum quietly turned and began to wander away from the area. Intrigued by how the poor wretch was able to gain the attention of the Pope, Tom approached the bum and offered him $100 for the clothes off his back.
The next day, Tom went back to the parade dressed in the bum’s clothes. Sure enough, this time when when the Pope came by he stopped in front of Tom and whispered in his ear: “I thought I told you yesterday to get the hell out of here!”
A Rotary visitor to Japan was giving a presentation. He opened up his speech by telling a joke that took him about two minutes to tell.
In under ten seconds and with very few words, the interpreter spoke to the audience and everyone erupted with laughter.
After the presentation, the visitor asked the interpreter how he translated such a long joke so quickly.
“The Japanese have a different sense of humor. They would not have understood the joke, so I told them, ‘Our guest has just told a joke. Everyone please laugh.'”