Monthly Archives: February 2017

A married man had hired a gorgeous secretary, and and after it was clear she was into him, he decided to “work late” one night and take this girl to dinner.

He called home to tell his wife he’d be late getting home. Without a hint of any concern, she replied, “okay, no problem.”

After dinner with the secretary, it was obvious that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment and had “swinging from the chandelier” sex for two hours.

Afterwards, the man went into the bathroom to tidy his appearance when he noticed a huge hickey on his neck. He immediately fell into a state of panic, and he had no idea what he was going to tell his wife. Still he hurried home.

As he unlocked the front door, he heard the dog come barking and scratching at the door to greet him. He thought “Aha!” and entered the house, fell to the carpet and pretended to fight off the affectionate dog.

Holding his neck with one hand, he walked into the living room and exclaimed, “Honey! Look at what the dog did to my neck!”

To which she looked up, opened her blouse, and said, “That’s nothing, look at what he did to my tits!”

Frank was excited about his new rifle and went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Just then, there was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

The black bear offered, “You’ve got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have rough sex.”

Not wishing to die, Frank decided to bend over.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found a black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.

The grizzly told him, “That was a huge mistake, Frank. You’ve got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have REALLY rough sex.”

Again, Frank thought it was better to comply.

Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered! Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge — but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there!

The polar bear sighed, “Admit it, Frank, you don’t come here for the hunting, do you?”

Two Russian hunters chartered a small plane to fly them to Siberia to go bear hunting.

On landing, the pilot said, “Remember, this plane can only fly with two hunters, one pilot, and ONE bear.”

The hunters went out and returned with two bears.

Furious, the pilot said, “I told you ONE bear!”

But the hunters point out that the previous year, on payment of an extra 6000 rubles, the pilot had let them put their two bears on board. After a long heated discussion the pilot agreed to take the extra bear for 12000 rubles.

After the plane struggled into the air and fitfully flew for about two hours, it gave out and plummeted to the earth into a snowbank.

Climbing out from under the snow and dead bears, the hunters asked the pilot where he thought they were.

“I’m not entirely certain,” said the pilot, “but it looks like the same place we crashed last year.”

During the banquet celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account on the benefits of such a long and enduring marriage.

“Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?”

Tom responded, “Well, I’ve learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness…”

Tom paused to wipe a tear from his eye, then continued, “and a great many other qualities I would never have needed if only I’d stayed single.”

A couple on holiday were touring a marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. The couple decided to walk inside where a Pakistani man with a heavy accent said to them, “I have some special sandals I think you’d be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great dessert camel”

The wife was very interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband wasn’t so sure. He asked the man, “how could sandals make you into a sex freak?”

The Pakistani man replied, “Why don’t you try them on for yourself?”

After an approving glance from his wife he decided to try them on. As soon as he slipped the babouche onto this feet, a wild look appeared in his eyes. It was something his wife hadn’t seen in years! It was the look of raw sexual power!

In the blink of an eye the husband grabbed the Pakistani man, threw him onto the table and started tearing off his pants.

With shrill terror, the Pakistani man screamed, “Take them off! You have them on the wrong feet!”

Late in the night a man regained consciousness. He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital’s ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him.

He realized he’d obviously been in a serious accident. She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, “You may not feel anything from the waist down.”

Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, “Can I feel your tits, then?”

Harold was in his mid thirties and still single. One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”

Harold replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.”

His friend thought for a moment and said, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.”

A few months later they met again and his friend asked, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?”

With a frown on his face, Harold answered, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.”

The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?”

Harold replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”