Author Archives: f2x

A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could out-do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had enough.

‘Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” he said. “I’ll bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

“You’re on, old man,” the braggart replied. “Let’s see you do it.”

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right, Dumb Ass, get in.”

An old farmer is having trouble getting his bull to breed with the cows and was lamenting the fact to a few of his friends down at the local beer hall.

One of them said, “Ya know, Ben, I used to have the same trouble with my bull, but I got it fixed really quick.”

“How did you get it fixed?” asked Ben.

“Well I just dipped my finger in the cow’s vagina and rubbed it all over the bull’s nose and he got right after her.”

Ben went home to the farm and decided to try it. He grabbed a cow, dipped his fingers in the cow’s vagina and rubbed it all around the bull’s nose.

The bull got a rip roaring boner and immediately jumped on the cow.

Ben was impressed. That night, he got into bed with his wife and can’t get the effect on the bull out of his mind. As she lay sleeping, Ben dips his fingers into his wife’s vagina and feeling that it was nice and wet, rubbed it all around his nose and got a rip roaring hard on.

He quickly shook his wife awake and cried out, “Honey, look!”

She rolled over, turned on the light and said, “You mean you woke me up in the middle of the night just to show me that you have a nosebleed?”

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance
If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors’ Law
If you don’t feel well and make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. If you don’t make an appointment, you’ll stay sick.

Little Susie was walking up the stairs in church one day. As the priest was walking by, he looked up and noticed that Little Susie was not wearing any panties. He called her over and gave her $20 and said, “Little Susie, take this money and buy yourself some panties. It’s not good to walk around without any panties on.”

Little Susie then went home and gave the money to her mother and asked her mother to buy panties for her.

When her mother asked where Little Susie got the money from, Little Susie explained what happened.

Upon hearing how Little Susie got the money, her mother rushed to her room, whipped off her panties, and put on one of her shortest dresses. Then she ran out to the church. As soon as she saw the priest coming, she began to walk up the stairs.

The priest noticed her and called her down.

Little Susie’s mother did not want to show that she was expecting anything, so she walked back to the priest very calmly.

The priest then gave her $1 and said, “Take this money and for God’s Sakes, buy yourself a shaver!”

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. ‘Please allow me to help. I’m a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me, she told him.

‘Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,’ the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, ‘How does that feel’?

He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb’s broken!