Author Archives: reddit

The pioneers had came to settle in Oklahoma back during the covered wagon days. The journey was filled with peril and frequently there were bloody misunderstandings with the local natives.

One day the leader of the convoy heard the sound of a drum off in the distance.

BRRUM bum bum bum BRRUM bum bum bum

They stopped to circle up the convoy and took a defensive position. They were unable to hear where the drum was coming from but it was definitely getting louder.

BRRUM bum bum bum BRRUM bum bum bum

The head of the convoy looked over at the guy who sat shotgun on the lead wagon with him and said, “I don’t like the sound of that drum.”

A voice called out from somewhere in the distance: “He’s not our usual drummer!”

An old Texas cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.

“Howdy, stranger,” said the sheriff.

“Howdy, Sheriff,” said the cowboy. The cowboy moved slowly to the back of the horse, lifted its tail and placed a big kiss where the sun doesn’t shine. He dropped the horse’s tail, stepped up on the walk, and aimed towards the swing doors of the saloon.

“Hold on there, mister,” said the sheriff. “Did I just see what I think I saw?”

“I reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips.”

“And does that cure them?” the sheriff asked.

“Nope, but it keeps me from lickin’ ’em.”

So, a priest, a rabbi, and a nun walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, “sorry, we don’t serve jokes here.” They all nod and walk out and the bartender keeps cleaning glasses.

A man carrying a frog and a tiny piano walks into the bar and the bartender looks up, sees them, and says, “hey, sorry, we don’t serve jokes here. You’re going to have to find someplace else.” And the frog starts doing a little bit but the man stops him. “We’re gonna have to busk somewhere else Fred,” he says to the frog. And they leave.

Then a talking dog walks into the bar and says, “hey give me a drink pal. It’s been a rough day.” And the bartender gets mad because it’s like the third joke to walk into his bar so he says, “look bud, we don’t serve jokes here. Get walking before I call the cops.” And the dog starts barking but he eventually leaves.

So now the bartender is having a rough day himself, right? First the whole convent, the frog and the piano, then the talking dog? Couldn’t be worse right?

Then a chicken walks in. And the bartender sighs. And this chicken struts right up to the bar.

“Can I get a drink?”

And the bartender loses it. “Look asshole, I’ve told a thousand people today, we don’t serve jokes here.”

And the chicken says, “take it easy, man, take it easy. If I can’t get a drink here where can I get one?”

And the bartender says, “across the road.”