Getting Out of a Speeding Ticket

Tim had just been pulled over by a local deputy, “Sir, were you aware that you were going 50 in a 35?”
Looking the deputy square in the eye, Tim said, “Well, I probably got a little carried away drag racing that other car.”
The deputy looked around, but there were no other cars. “Have you been drinking today, Sir?” he asked.
“Well, I’ve probably had about three or four shots a whisky. It takes the edge off the cocaine,” said Tim in a very calm matter of fact manner.
“I’m going to have to ask you to step out of your vehicle, Sir,” said the deputy. “Are there any weapons or drugs in the vehicle that I should be aware of?”
“Well, there’s about 5 kilos of heroine in the glove box, and a sawed off AR-15 under my seat,” Tim politely informed the officer, “But please don’t open the trunk or the man I just kidnapped might escape.”
With that, the deputy pulled his service weapon and aimed it at Tim, “Sir, keep your hands where I can see them, get out of the vehicle and lay down on the ground!” Then he grabbed his radio handset and called for immediate backup.
It wasn’t even two minutes, and the sheriff was pulling up to the scene with lights and sirens. The deputy explained that there was a man in the trunk but when they opened it, the trunk was completely empty. Then the deputy explained that there were drugs in the glove box and a weapon under the driver’s seat, but a complete search of the car turned up nothing. They even gave Tim a roadside breathalyser that returned a solid zero point zero.
The deputy was a little bewildered when Tim took the sheriff off to the side and said, “That cop over there must be losing it! So far he’s tried to convince you I was drunk, armed, trafficking drugs, and was kidnapping people! What else is he gonna come up with? That I was speeding too?”