Rural Kentucky Rules

RULES OF RURAL KENTUCKY ARE AS FOLLOWS:
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn’t crooked.
3. Let’s get this straight; it’s called a ‘dirt road.’ I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you’re going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. They’re live steaks. That’s why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don’t like it? I-64 goes east and west, I-75 goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We’re impressed. We have $150,000 tractors….
6. So every person in rural Ky waves. It’s called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while an 8-point buck and 3 does are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat taters, gravy, beans and cornbread. You really want sushi and caviar? It’s available at local bait shop..
9. The ‘Opener’ refers to the first day of deer season. It’s religious holiday, always held on the second Saturday of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there’s no ‘vegetarian special’ on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef’s Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three seasonings – salt, pepper, and bacon grease. Oh, yeah…. We don’t care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat … IT AIN’T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring ‘coke’ into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
14. Yes, we invented Bourbon whiskey, and we are proud of that!!!
15. College and high school football are more important here than the Bengals or the Reds… and more fun to watch.
16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don’t hit the water hazards — it spooks the fish.
17. Colleges? We have them all. We have State Universities , Community Colleges, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain’t music, anyway. We don’t want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.
19. Two inches of snow isn’t a blizzard – it’s a flurry. Drive in it like you got some sense, and DON’T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This ain’t Alaska . Worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The farmers with tractors with blades will have the roads cleared shortly.
A true Kentuckian will send this on!!!
20. By the way…. if you want to talk to God in Kentucky , it’s a local call