A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an
expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would
like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the
black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked
his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the
blonde mortician a blank check and says, ‘I don’t care what it costs,
but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.’
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds
her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe;
the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, ‘Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied.
You did an excellent job and I’ m very grateful. How much did you
spend?’ To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the
blank check.
‘There’s no charge,’ she says.
‘No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue
suit!’ she says.
‘Honestly, ma’am,’ the blonde says, ‘it cost nothing. You see, a
deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly
after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I
asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit
instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.’
‘So I just switched the heads.’
Gail’s Sunday Pic
Sunday, August 4, 2024
Happy Birthday, Gail!
You know I almost forgot it, and just by chance I remembered. Today is Gail's 5th birthday! That's right! That little puppy I started posting pictures of back in 2019 is a full 5 years old today.
You might have noticed I stopped posting weekly pictures of her a while ago. For the most part, she had stopped growing, so there really wasn't that much of a change from week to week. Also, I was having trouble finding the time to make the effort.
Rest assured, Gail keeps on being an indomitable force in my life. Never does a day go by that I'm not forced to wait on hand and foot to this ornery critter. Other than when I'm at work, Gail is almost always with me. You'd think she'd be better behaved by now, but this dog loses her shit every time she sees a ball... or another dog... or food... or just realizes when we've turned down any of the roads on the way to one of her many favorite places.
To say this dog is spoiled would be an understatement. To me, spoiling means you treat them better than they deserve. With my previous dog, Grace, she was so good, spoiling was effectively impossible, but with Gail, spoiling is simply unavoidable. She lacks any sort of self-control or discipline, and she isn't shy about letting you know how she feels in any given situation. If you have her on a leash, you better be careful because she can easily dislocate your shoulder.
But Gail is also easy to love. It's amazing how she is such a people magnet. Gail has her own fan club, and people take walks by my yard just to come up to the fence to say hi to Gail and pet her. She's very friendly and wants nothing more than to eat, play, and be loved.
Oh, and to poop... Soooo much poop!
So happy birthday Baby Gail!
-f2xJanuary 2025 S M T W T F S 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 GET THE PLUNGER!
What is Flush Twice?
Flush Twice has been around since May of 2003. It started out as a JOTD (Joke of the Day) website. New jokes were published every weekday. Over the years, good jokes were increasingly hard to come by, and eventually they got so rare that I just stopped trying to publish them.
Since 2004 there has also been an eponymous comic. I still occasionally publish a new one on Saturdays. It’s also rare anymore, but sometimes it happens.
Here lately I’ve been posting a “Link of the Day”. For the time being, I will be featuring a new website from my enormous collection of bookmarked websites every weekday. None of it is solicited promotions, and no one is paying me to feature their site. These are just websites that at one time I thought were interesting enough to add to my bookmarks folder.
I highly encourage using some kind of ad blocking extension before clicking on any of these links. You’ll also hear me say this phrase a lot about these posts: “They can’t all be winners.” But it’s better than just leaving the site abandoned.
The jokes were generously provided by friends and visitors such as yourself. I want to express my eternal thanks to everyone over the years who helped contribute to the collection.
So what is it that makes a joke funny?
It all boils down to a sudden shift in perception. The story starts you thinking one way, then the punchline turns that thinking on its ear. The art of the joke is to craft a short story that isn’t overly contrived, then deliver a punchline that suddenly shifts your perception about the story you were being told.
Many of the jokes on this site are offensive, and I make no apologies for it. Offensive jokes work by making the reader uncomfortable through the use of a taboo subject thus enhancing the underlying humor. Without the offensive element, the joke would simply not be as funny.
(Just thought you might like to know.)
Yes, it’s a usable search function! Try it!