An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said:
“Dr. Geezer’s Clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000.”
Mr “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine,
thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.
Mr Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ??”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”
Mr Young: ” Aaagh !! this is petrol!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”
Mr Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Mr Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Mr Young: “Oh, no you don’t, that is petrol!”
Dr. Geezer: Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back.
That will be $500.”
Mr Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Mr Young: “My eyesight has become weak —I can hardly see anything!!!!
Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so, here’s your $1000 back.” (giving him a $10 bill)
Mr Young: “But this is only $10!
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! ; that will be $500.”
Moral of story — Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an “old Geezer”.
Remember: Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off.

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS.
But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.
No matter what; metal, wood, stone. Anything she touched would melt.
Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?
He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, “If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.”
The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.
The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king’s wealth.
THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.
The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted.
The prince went away sadly.
The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted.
He too was sent away disappointed.
The third prince approached. He told the princess, “Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.”
The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.
And it did not melt!!!
The king was overjoyed.. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed.
And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.
Question: What was in the prince’s pants?
.
.
.
M&M’s of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
What were you thinking?

Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.
Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen’s breasts for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King’s chief doctor.
Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen’s bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense.
Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers.
Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen’s breasts.
The Queen’s itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber,Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins.
With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn’t have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King’s underwear.
The King immediately summoned Nick…

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.
Grumpy leads the pack.
‘Grumpy, my son,’ says the Pope, ‘What can I do for you?’
Grumpy asks, ‘Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?’
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, ‘No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome.’
In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.
Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.
Grumpy turns back, ‘Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?’
The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, ‘No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe.’
This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.
Grumpy turns back and says, ‘Mr Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?’
The Pope, really confused by the questions says, ‘I’m sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.’
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting……
‘Grumpy shagged a penguin!’
‘Grumpy shagged a penguin!’

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
“Well,” says the bus driver, “every night at 8 o’clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I’m sure you could convince her to have sex with you”…
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
“Oh, God!” she exclaims. “Take me with you!” The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they’re getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it’s over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
“Ha, ha! I’m the man from the bus!”
“Ha, ha!” says the nun, removing her costume. “I’m the bus driver”….

She whispered “will it hurt me?” “Of course not” answered he “It’s a very simple process, You can rely on me.” She said “I’m very frightened, I’ve not had this before. My friend has had it five times And said it can be sore.”
It was growing rather painful,
Tears formed in her eyes, It was hurting quite a bit now, It must have been a size. “Calm yourself” he whispered “His face filled with a grin “Try and open wider, So I can get it in.” “It’s coming now” he whispered “I know” she cried in bliss. Feeling it deep within her now, She said “I am glad I’m having this.” And with a final effort She gave a frightened shout. He gripped it in anguish And quickly pulled it out. She lay back quite contended Sighed and gave a smile. She said “I’m glad I came now .You made it worth my while.”
Now if you read this
carefully, The dentist you will find Is not what you imagined. It’s just your dirty mind…

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara Desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning:

After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke.

“Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.”

“I know Father. In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.”

“I agree.” Says the Father. “Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?”

“Anything, Father.”

“I have never seen a woman’s breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.”

“Well, under the circumstances I don’t see that it would do any harm.”

The nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.

“Sister, would you mind if I touched them?” She consented and he Fondled them for several minutes.

“Father, could I ask something of you?”

“Yes, Sister?”

“I have never seen a man’s appendage. Could I see yours?”

“I suppose that would be OK.” The Priest replied lifting his robe.

“Oh Father, may I touch it?”

The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.

“Sister, did you know, that if I insert my appendage in the right place, it can give life?”

“Is that true Father?”

“Yes, it is, Sister.”

“Oh Father, that’s wonderful. Stick it in the camel and let’s get the hell out of here!” 😂

A man owned a small ranch near Great Falls, Montana. The Montana Labor Department got a tip that he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an investigator out to interview him.

“I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,” demanded the investigator

“Well,” replied the rancher, “there’s my ranch hand who’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1200 a week plus free room and board.”

“The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $1000 per week plus free room and board.”

“Then there’s the halfwit. He works about 18 hours every day, with no days off, and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week and pays his own room and board.”

“But, I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night, and he also sleeps with my wife occasionally.”

“That’s the guy I want to talk to… the halfwit,” says the investigator.

“You’re talking to him,” replied the rancher.

Two married men were at the bar, the one looks at the clock and tells his friend, “I’m not looking forward to going home. My wife is going to chew me out again for being away drinking so late. Every time I’m out like this I try to sneak back home and into bed without waking her so she doesn’t know how late I’ve been out. I turn off the car and coast into the driveway. I take off my shoes and enter through the side door. I even get changed in the bathroom and then try to slip into bed unnoticed. But she always wakes up and then I have to stay awake and give appropriate answers for the next 30 minutes of angry lecture.”
“I never have that problem.” says the friend. “I roar into the driveway and bring the car to a screeching halt, slam the front door shut as I come in, throw open the bedroom door, jump in bed with her and slap her butt and say, ‘Guess who’s horny?!’ and then she pretends to be asleep.”

😀😀