A man was talking to his wife one evening and said, “You know, I was thinking of going down to the bar tonight and entering that big dick contest.”
“Oh honey,” she exclaimed, “I don’t want you taking that out in public!”
“But sweet thing,” he said, “the prize is $200!”
“I don’t care,” she replied, “I don’t want you showing that thing to everybody.”
So he let the subject drop until the following night when his wife walked in on him in the bedroom, counting out two hundred dollars. “Did you go down and enter that big dick contest last night after I told you not to?”
“Please forgive me, sweetheart,” he said.
“You mean you took that thing out for everybody to see?” she said, as the tears welled up in her eyes.
The man looked at her fondly and said, “Only enough to win.”
A pretty girl was driving through the west when her car unexpectedly ran out or gas. As fate would have it, an Indian came along on horseback and gave her a ride to the nearest gas station.
Every few minutes the Indian would let out a wild whoop that could curdle milk. Finally, as he dropped her off at the gas station, he cried, “Yiiieee-yiiieee-yiiiee!” and galloped off.
“My god!” said the gas station attendant. “What were you doing to that Indian to make him holler like that?”
“Why, nothing,” said the girl. “I just sat behind him with my arms around him, holding onto his saddle horn.”
“Lady,” said the attendant, “Indians don’t use saddles.”
A barfly sat salaciously at the end of the bar. Mario checked himself in the mirror and made his way over to try his luck with the local lush.
Despite his handsome looks and charm, the liquor sponge scoffed at his vain attempts to woo her.
Mario had nearly used every line he had on the introverted carouser. As his importuning began to wind down, he tried one last desperate plea, “I’m perfect for you, cause I’m a cross between a macho and a sensitive man.”
Without even looking up from her drink, the debauchee dryly remarked, “So after all that, you’re telling me you’re a gay trucker?”
Q: There were 500 bricks on an airplane. One of them fell out. How many were left?
Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant into a refrigerator?
A: 1. Open the refrigerator door. 2. Put the elephant in. 3. Close the refrigerator door.
Q: What are the four steps to putting a giraffe into a refrigerator?
A: 1. Open the refrigerator door. 2. Take out the elephant. 3. Put the giraffe in. 4. Close the refrigerator door.
Q: The lion was having a birthday party in the jungle and all the animals attended but one. Which one was it, and why?
A: The giraffe, because it was stuck in the refrigerator.
Q: Sally wanted to cross an alligator infested river. There was no bridge, and the only way she could get across was by swimming. Sally swam across the river and safely made it to the other side. How was she able to do this?
A: Because all of the alligators were at the birthday party.
Q: Sadly, Sally died anyway. Why?
A: She was killed by the falling brick.
Janet scowled as she handed her husband Bob and pair of silk panties, “This wouldn’t happen to belong to your secretary would they?”
“Where did you find those?” Bob sputtered with nervous embarrassment.
“I didn’t,” she curtly remarked. “The mailman found them in your night stand.”