Author Archives: f2x

Editor’s note: The Ginger Jokes series has been our most popular.
We have two other pages you may also like to see:
More Ginger Jokes
Ginger Jokes Part III

What’s a redhead’s idea of the shortest way to a
man’s heart? Through the breastbone.

What is the difference between a redhead and a
terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What do you call a woman who knows where her
husband is every night? A redhead!

What’s safer: a redhead or a piranha?
The piranha. They only attack in schools.

How do you get a redhead’s mood to change?
Wait 10 seconds.

What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
Normal.

Only two things are necessary to keep a redhead
happy. One is to let her think she is having her
own way, and the other is to let her have it.

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there’s a “peel and win” sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming,”I’ve won a motorhome!  I’ve won a motorhome!”

The waitress says, “That’s impossible. The biggest prize is a free Lunch!”

But the blonde keeps on screaming, “I’ve won a motorhome!  I’ve won a motorhome!”

Finally, the manager comes over and says, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken.  You couldn’t have possibly won a motorhome because we didn’t have that as a prize.

The blonde says, “No, it’s not a mistake.  I’ve won a motorhome!”  And she hands the ticket to the manager and he reads . . .

W I N A B A G E L

A farmer walked into a drug store and said to the Pharmacist, “I want me one of them thar condoms with pesticides on it. Where do I find ’em?”

The pharmacist replied, “Oh sir, you must mean that you want the condoms with SPERMICIDE, not pesticide. They’re on aisle 4.”

“No, no, I want me them thar condoms with PESTICIDE on it,” growled the farmer.

“Sir,” said the pharmacist, exasperated from explaining, “PESTICIDE is for killing insects, SPERMICIDE is for killing sperm. I’m sure that you mean spermicide instead of pesticide.”

“Listen here, ” argued the farmer, “I want condoms with PESTICIDE on them. My wife’s got a bug up her ass, and I aim to kill it!”

Sex Jokes

Note: These have all been around for a while, and I have no citations as to whether they are correctly attributed, but I thought these would be fun.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
Woody Allen

“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Rodney Dangerfield

“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL.”
Lynn Lavner

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”
Camille Paglia

“Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation.
The other eight are unimportant.”
George Burns

“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.”
Sharon Stone

“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.”
Jack Nicholson

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”
Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn’t think Barbara had a sense of humor)

“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”
Robin Williams

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”
Billy Crystal

“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.”
Robert De Niro

“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?”
Dustin Hoffman

“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines because men think, ‘I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked !'”
Jerry Seinfeld

“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
Robin Williams

“It’s been so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.”
Joan Rivers

“Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy.”
Steve Martin

“You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life.”
Elmo Phillips

“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”
Oscar Wilde

“It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.”
George Burns

Dear Grandson,

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a “honk if you love Jesus” bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, I’m glad I did. What an uplifting experience that followed. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is…and I didn’t notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn’t honked, I’d never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus. Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, “For the love of God. Go. Go. Jesus Christ, Go.” What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus. Everyone started honking. I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love.

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a “sunny beach.” I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. Then I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I’ve never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing… why, even he was enjoying this religious experience.

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again  and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks.

Love, Grandma

Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas.

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”

Margaret looked him over, “Nope.”

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW?”

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, “Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow!”

Furious, Bert yelled, “And do you know why it’s hanging down, Margaret?”

“Nope,” she replied.

“It’s hanging down because it’s looking at my new boots!”

Without changing her expression Margaret replied, “Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a hat.”