The preacher liked to coordinate his message with the choir every Sunday.

One week the preacher said, “Brothers and sisters, I’ll be preaching this Sunday on the topic of steadfastness in our service to God. What hymn should we sing?”

A member of the choir chimed in with, “I Shall Not Be Moved!”

The next week the preacher said, “Brothers and sisters, I’ll be preaching this Sunday on the topic of tithes and gladness in giving to the Lord. What hymn should we sing?”

A different member of the choir called out, “Jesus Paid It All.”

The following week the preacher said, “Brothers and sisters, I’ll be preaching this week on the evils of fornication. What hymn should we sing?”

From the back row an older choir member sighed fondly, “Precious Memories.”

An accordion player stops at a convenience store to grab a six pack.

As he’s closing the car door he sees his accordion in the back seat and has a split thought that maybe he should put it in the trunk, but then thinks nah, he’s literally gonna be just 20 feet away for 2 minutes.

The guy’s in the shop for only 90 seconds, but as he’s coming out sees that his rear window has been smashed. He shouts “oh no, not again”!

He looks in the back seat, and sure enough, there’s three accordions.

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend.
She was thrilled at the speed.
“If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?” he asked.
“Yes!” said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.
Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.
The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.
“Go and get help!” he cried.
“But I can’t. I’m naked and my clothes are gone!”
“Take my shoe”, he said, “and cover yourself.”
Holding the shoe over her p☆bes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station.
Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, “Please help me! My boyfriend’s stuck!”
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, “There’s nothing I can do…he’s in too far.” 🤣🤣🤣🤣

A man and his wife were having hard financial times, so they decided she could make money as a prostitute. Being new and not quite sure what to do, she asked her husband what to do.

He explained, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you’ve got any questions, I’ll be parked around the corner.”

Not five minutes go by when a John pulled up and asked, “How much?”

“A hundred dollars,” the woman announced.

“Damn! All I’ve got is thirty,” the man sighed.

“Hold on,” said the woman, and she ran back to her husband. “What can he get for thirty dollars?”

“You can use your hand to jerk him off,” he replied.

She ran back and told the guy that all he could have for $30 was a hand job. He agreed, so she got in the car and unzipped his pants.

Out popped an incredibly large cock. It was the biggest she had ever seen. She stared at it for a minute, and said, “I’ll be right back.”

She ran back around the corner to her husband and said, “I need you to loan this guy 70 bucks!”

It was the first day of school, and the new first grade teacher was taking down the children’s names.

One boy spoke up and said, “My name is Johnny Fuchauer.” (F*ck-hour)

Miffed by the obvious fake name, the teacher retorted, “There’ll be none of that nonsense this year, Johnny! Now tell me your REAL name!”

The kid said, “No, really teacher, it IS Johnny Fuchauer. You can go across the hall to second grade and ask my brother if you don’t believe me!”

So the teacher went across the hall and knocked on the second grade classroom door. The second grade teacher had stepped out for a moment, so the first grade teacher entered the room and asked the class, “Do you have a Fuchauer in here?”

A kid in the front row replied, A fuck hour? Heck, we don’t even get a cookie break!”

A very tall man walks into a bar…and a lady recognizes him as a pro Rugby player. They start to talk and eventually go back to his place. They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK. “What’s that for?” the lady questions. “Oh, I have this so that when I’m on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me.” Then the man takes off his trousers, and on his leg, he has a tattoo that says NIKE. ‘What’s that ?’ the lady questions again. “Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid when this tattoo is seen on TV.” Then the man drops his underwear and on his pe☆is he has a tattoo that says AIDS. The lady screams: “Don’t tell me you have AIDS!” The man replies: “No, no…!!! Calm down…!!! It will say ADIDAS in a minute. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

A blonde female bought herself a new Mercedes. She could drive the car during the day, but at night the car wouldn’t move at all. She tried driving the car at night for a week with no luck.
Furious, she called the dealership, told them the problem and they sent a
mechanic to the house. The mechanic gave the car a thorough inspection
and could not find anything wrong.
Eventually, he asked the blonde, ” Are you sure you’re using the right gears?”
“Of course I am. I’m not stupid. I use “D” during the day and “N” at night!”🤣🤣🤣

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.
He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand , and heads back to the showers.
He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he’s a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.
Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
“Oh look” says the first nun, “it’s a soap dispenser”.
To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood.
Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
Now the third nun decides to have a go.
She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens.
So she gives several more tugs, then yells…
“Holy Mary, Mother of God, HAND LOTION TOO!”

The pioneers had came to settle in Oklahoma back during the covered wagon days. The journey was filled with peril and frequently there were bloody misunderstandings with the local natives.

One day the leader of the convoy heard the sound of a drum off in the distance.

BRRUM bum bum bum BRRUM bum bum bum

They stopped to circle up the convoy and took a defensive position. They were unable to hear where the drum was coming from but it was definitely getting louder.

BRRUM bum bum bum BRRUM bum bum bum

The head of the convoy looked over at the guy who sat shotgun on the lead wagon with him and said, “I don’t like the sound of that drum.”

A voice called out from somewhere in the distance: “He’s not our usual drummer!”