A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands.

The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?” All the women raised their hands.

Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?”

Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband – “I love you, Sweetheart.”

Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.

Below are 11 hilarious replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love. Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?

1. Who the hell is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

3. Yeah, and I love you too. What’s wrong?

4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?

5. I don’t understand what you mean.

6. What the hell did you do now?

7. Don’t beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need.

8. Am I dreaming?

9. If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

10. I thought we agreed you wouldn’t drink during the day.

11. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she?

A college professor, a company CEO, and a janitor were walking along the beach when they found a magic lamp half buried in the sand. Together they rubbed the lamp and the genie emerged. “I can only grant you a wish if you can do someone else’s job for a day,” said the genie.

The professor said, “I will do the job of an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?”

The professor was teleported into a classroom. Not even an hour had gone by when the children’s screaming and naughty behavior had gotten to him. He threw all the school supplies on the floor and gave up, and the genie denied him his wish.

The C.E.O said “I bet I would make a great waiter. All you have to do is carry food back and forth. This’ll be a breeze!”

And so he was teleported to a restaurant, but after an hour, all the annoying customers drove him insane. The CEO smashed the plates on the ground and gave up. The genie denied him his wish as well.

The janitor thought for a moment and said, “I would like to be an artist.”

Instantly he was transported to an art studio where he glued all the school supplies and shattered plates to a canvas. He then sold the piece for $13 million at a gallery.

The genie was impressed and agreed to grant the Janitor his wish, but then asked how he came to be so clever.

The janitor replied, “I have a masters degree in art.”

Three men came out of a bar and piled into a taxi. They were being rather surly and disagreeable. The driver could tell that they were drunk, and decided to play a trick on them.

The driver turned the engine on and stayed there for a moment, then turned the engine off and told the three drunk men they had arrived.

The first man handed the driver a handful of pennies as he exited. The second man gave the driver a $5 bill. The third man scolded the driver and said, “Next time don’t drive so fast. You almost got us killed.”

A golfer is walking down the road carrying his clubs when he sees an Arab being held up at gunpoint. He pulls out a wedge and smashes it over the back of the robber’s head, knocking him unconscious.

“You saved my life,” says the grateful Arab. “I am a member of the Saudi Royal Family and I have the power and money to give you anything you desire as a reward.”

The golfer glances at his golf bag. “Some new golf clubs would be nice,” he says.

Two weeks later, the Sheikh’s secretary calls him up.

“We have acquired your golf clubs,” she says, “but the Sheikh would like to apologize to you in advance. Only three of them have swimming pools.”

It was the middle of the night when Johnny’s car broke down a few miles from home. He decided to just walk the rest of the way, but to save time he would take a shortcut through the local graveyard.

As he was walking along the headstones, he heard a faint tapping noise. The deeper he went into the graveyard, the louder the tapping grew. Johnny started to feel very anxious until he saw the source of the tapping. An old man with a hammer and chisel was hunched over one of the headstones.

Relieved, Johnny said to the man, “Gee, mister, I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?”

The old man continued chiseling and said, “They spelled my name wrong.”

A scientist built a time machine, and decided to travel back in time to ancient Rome in order to advance society more quickly.

Carrying a laptop computer, a television, and a cell phone, he went before emperor Caesar and said, “Emperor! I have brought you these gifts from many millennia in the future! Here, allow me to show you how they work.”

Caesar then turned to his guard and said, “Insanum hunc auferte ineptum.”

A soviet butcher came out, looked at the long line, and yelled, “We don’t have enough for all of you today! All the Jews, get out of the line and go home!”

After another hour of waiting, the butcher came out again and looked at the line. He yelled, “We don’t have enough for all of you! If you’re not a member of the communist party, get out of the line and go home!”

After another hour, the butcher came out again. “We don’t have enough for all of you! , unless you’re a veteran of the great patriotic war, get out of the line and go home!”

After another hour, the butcher came out. “We are completely out of meat for today! Everybody go home!”

One communist then turned to the other and said, “Yibat! What did I tell you, comrade? The Jews get all the luck!”

The teacher had a curious issue with his class and asked the principal to weigh in. To demonstrate the problem, the teacher called on a student and asked him “Who killed Julius Caesar?”

The student was terrified, “I swear it wasn’t me! I never even met him!”

The teacher went around the room and asked the rest of the class, but they all gave the same answer. The teacher then turned to the principal and asked him, “Do you think such a response is normal?”

The shocked principal replied “Are you sure the killer is in this class?”

I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis… I don’t know how I pulled through it. It was the hardest spelling test I’ve ever had.