Monthly Archives: December 2018

A blonde was driving along a lonely country road with fields on either side. As she looked out her side window, she saw another blonde in the middle of a field, in a rowboat, rowing and rowing.

She stopped the car, rolled down the window, and yelled, “You know it’s blondes like you who give the rest of us blondes a bad name!”

“Oh yeah?” the other blonde yelled back. “So whaddya gonna do about it?”

Enraged by this impudence the first blonde screamed, “You’re lucky I can’t swim, or I’d come out there and punch your lights out!”

The phone rang. Angie saw that it was her husband. Todd, and answered the call.

“Sweetheart, I had a really bad accident as I was leaving work,” explained Todd. “Sandra took me to the hospital. After the doctors examined my X-rays, they said it was much worse than they initially thought. I have a cervical dislocation, multiple facial injuries, also, they will have to amputate my right leg.”

Angie took a couple deep breaths to compose herself before she could speak. “Todd,” she said in a concerned tone, “Who the hell is Sandra?”

Margret called her physician’s office to schedule an appointment. The nurse taking the call asked about the nature of the visit.

“I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes,” explained Margret.

“Oh, I see,” replied the Nurse. “Have you already seen the doctor?”

“No,” lamented Margret. “Just spots.”

Wendy got in line at her local supermarket. Her basket contained a mop, a broom, and several other cleaning supplies. It was obvious she was in a hurry, and it just so happened the line was moving rather slowly.

When the cashier called the manager over for assistance with a customer’s payment issue, Wendy remarked indignantly, “At this rate, I’ll be lucky to get home before dark!”

“Don’t worry, ma’am,” replied the man standing in line ahead of her. “With the wind kicking up out there and that brand new broom of yours, you should be home in no time.”

Under the romantic light of the moon, Pedro requested, “Hey, mamacita, let’s do Weeweechu.”

“Not now, Pedro.” sighed Rosita. “Let’s just sit here and look at the moon!”

“Oh, c’mon baby, let’s you and I do Weeweechu,” begged Pedro. “I love you and it’s the perfect time.”

“But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon,” pleaded Rosita.

“Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me.”

Rosita looked at Pedro and acquiesced, “OK, one time, we’ll do Weeweechu.”

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang:

“Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year!”

There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve this perfect couple was driving along a winding road when they noticed someone at the roadside in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.

Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the survivor?

FEMALE ANSWER: The perfect woman. She’s the only one that really existed in the first place, because everyone knows there is no such thing as Santa Claus or the perfect man.

MALE ANSWER: So, if there is no perfect man or Santa, the perfect woman must have been driving, which explains why there was a car accident in the first place.