In an alley, two roaches were munching in a dumpster when one of them starts talking about a new restaurant.
“I was in that new restaurant across the street,” the roach said to his pal. “It’s so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere. It’s so sanitary that the whole place shines.”
“Please,” said the other roach frowning. “Not while I’m eating!”
The couple was fast asleep when their phone rang at 2 AM. The woman picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, “How should I know? That’s 200 miles from here!” before hanging up.
Still groggy, her husband asked, “Who was it, Honey?”
The wife said, “I have no idea. It was just some woman asking if the coast was clear.”
So Who’s Watching mBlip?
I run a few different sites, and on the backend I have a stats program running to get some idea of the viewership. I also like to be fairly transparent about it, since I’m not using these stats to track individuals or for targeted marketing purposes. Sometimes, however, the results are a little disheartening if not downright embarrassing.
At first glance, mBlip doesn’t look like it’s doing too badly. Because it grows so fast, I usually reset the site every couple of weeks. When I do, the stat counter stops working, so I have to delete and reinstall it. Basically, I can’t see any long term trends with mBlip, but what I can see bothers me more.
mBlip’s home page gets a fair bit of traffic… Mostly through server farms and China… And that’s about all it gets. No one seems interested in visiting the individual posts. The whole point of the site is to watch recently released videos, and my stat plugin is essentially telling me that no one watches the videos… except me… but I don’t count.
On the other side, Flush Twice seems to be chugging along nicely. While an uncomfortably high percentage of visitors trace back to server farms, the majority of them come from actual ISP’s (ie: Real people). Curiously, the comic gets a disproportionately higher amount of traffic. That’s awesome. Thankfully, these rants get ignored. That’s awesome too.
In the end, I suppose the visitor counts don’t really matter so long as I enjoy what I’m doing. I like a lot of the videos that mBlip collects, and I still think it’s a great way to find something interesting to watch. I also like taking care of Flush Twice. There have been over 1100 jokes individually reviewed and published. That’s kind of impressive.
So who’s watching mBlip? Me. Just me. Occasionally Google or some other search engine will randomly refer somebody to a video page, but after two years and 5 months, It’s time to concede that the concept doesn’t have any appeal to a wider audience.
Kudos
Once again I want to thank George for sending in the jokes. In case you were wondering, our submission page still works. You can also do what George does and email flush2x@gmail.com. Thanks for visiting. It’s been my most heartfelt pleasure to provide you with a laugh or two.
Pax,
-f2x
While sitting at the bar, Tony was telling his pals how excited he was about his upcoming wedding.
His older friend Saul explained, “You know, twenty years ago, I got married so that I could get laid 3 or 4 times a week.”
“What are you talking about, Saul?” remarked Tony. “You aren’t even married!”
Saul explained, “That’s because ten years ago, I got divorced for the same reason!”
A drunk man staying at a hotel staggered down to the front desk and demanded a change of room.
“I see you’re in room 425,” noted the hotel manager. “That’s one of our finest rooms.”
“I don’t care,” said the belligerent drunk. “I want another room.”
“Very well sir, but would you mind telling me what you don’t like about your room?”
“Well for one thing,” slurred the drunk, “the room is on fire.”
Larry was very concerned for his hearing, so he decided to go to the revival meeting to see if the preacher there could help.
When he arrived, Larry sat down and waited until the preacher asked the congregation if anyone needed his assistance through prayer.
Larry raised his hand, and the preacher motioned for him to come over to receive divine assistance.
With one hand on Larry’s shoulder, and the other arm outreached, the preacher bellowed, “Tell me, son, what do you want me to pray so that you may receive help through the Lord?”
“Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing,” replied Larry.
The preacher put one finger in each of Larry’s ears and prayed, totally committed to ensuring Larry doesn’t have any further problems with his hearing. When he finished the prayer, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked Larry, “How is your hearing now, my child?”
“I don’t know, Reverend,” replied Larry. “My hearing is not until next Wednesday.”
“Beware of the Dog!” was posted on the glass entry door to the old country store.
Inside, a harmless old hound dog was asleep on the floor beside the cash register.
A customer asked the owner of the store, “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”
“Yep, that’s him,” replied the owner.
The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me,” he chuckled. “Why in the world would you post that sign?”
“Because,” the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”
A woman went to the police station with her friend to report that her husband was missing.
The policeman asked for a description.
The distraught wife said, “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.”
The wife’s friend cocked her head to the side and said, “What are you talking about? Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.”
The wife replied, “Yes, but who wants him back?”
Happy Easter
OK, so now that that’s out of the way…
The New Rating System
It’s been in place for a while, but I figure I’d touch on it. It’s a simple like/unlike system that makes it painfully easy to stuff the ballot box. You can upvote it as much as you want, you can downvote it as much as you want, but you cannot take away anyone else’s upvotes/downvotes. The votes don’t really matter, so feel free to play with it.
I’m going through some shit again.
It’s an old TV/Movie trope where a sane person is in an insane asylum either visiting or by force. At some point the sane person strikes up a conversation with someone else who is presumably also sane, but within a minute or two it becomes apparent that the person they are talking to is actually just as cuckoo as the rest. They are then either led away or wonder off on their own while the sane person is left with a dumbfounded look over what they had just experienced.
That’s about how I’m feeling right now. I don’t know whether I’m taking crazy pills or surrounded by crazy people, but I feel like people around me are becoming less rational. It feels a little scary.
Another thing, it feels like people are treating me like I’m somebody else. Do I have an alternate personality or some form of schizophrenia I’m not aware of? Is there someone else who looks like me going around interacting with these people? Are they gaslighting me or have had some sort of psychotic break and are now acting out their delusions?
All of this has left me shaking my head while thinking I’m surrounded by crazy people and idiots… Or maybe I just need to get some rest. Yeah, that’s probably all this is.
Kudos
Thanks goes out to George for emailing me the jokes. Of course anyone can submit jokes via our submission page, or by emailing flush2x@gmail.com. Thank you for visiting Flush Twice, and may you have a blessed day.
Pax,
-f2x
