While driving through Natchitoches, Louisiana a husband and wife were arguing about the pronunciation of the town. Before leaving they decided to stop for lunch.
At the counter, the husband asked the cashier, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?”
The girl leaned over the counter and said, “Burrr-gerrr Kiiing.”
(FYI, while there are acceptable variations, Natchitoches is typically pronounced, Nah’-cuh-dish.)
An older man had developed a somewhat rare condition that required major surgery. As it so happened, the only qualified surgeon in the region to perform the procedure was his very own son. Before the operation, the father and son had a brief moment to speak.
“Just relax and do you best,” the father told his son, “and remember that if anything goes wrong, your mother is going to move in with you and your family.”
A thief pleaded no contest to stealing a car. Giving the man a chance to tell his side of the story, the Judge asked, “So why did you steal the car?”
“I needed it to drive to work,” replied the defendant.
“You could have just taken the bus,” suggested the judge.
“I couldn’t do that,” said the man. “I don’t have a license to drive the bus.”
Being the good father, Little Johnny’s dad would read stories to his son at bedtime.
Nearly an hour had gone by and Johnny’s mother popped her head in the room and asked, “Is he asleep yet?”
“Yes, Finally!” said Little Johnny.
Adolf Hitler was very keen on the occult, so he went to a fortune teller hoping that the woman could tell him how long he would live.
After careful charting, she said, “I can’t predict the exact date of your death, but I do know that you will die on a Jewish holiday.”
“And which holiday will this be?” he asked.
“It does not matter.” she replied. “Any day that you die will be a Jewish Holiday.”
Yes, It’s a Shameless Plug
So it’s basically the only ad I ever run on this site. Once again I am promoting mBlip. If you haven’t tried it lately, well, why the heck not?
Drawing from over 100 YouTube channels and growing, mBlip provides up to the minute videos from YouTube content creators. With the addition of more generalized categories, you can focus on subjects such as News, STEM, and Food. There’s a lot going on every day, and it’s amazing how it just keeps getting better and better.
So if you’ve never tried mBlip, you really ought to check it out, and if you haven’t tried it recently, then give it another go already! It might just surprise you!
I’ve really put a lot of work into mBlip, and I really hope that people from all walks of life can get something out of it. If you have any suggestions about how the site could be made better, I’m very interested in hearing/reading what you have to say.
So for those of you who are regular mBlippers, I thank you! It’s really been a fun site for me to build and grow. Again I just want to give a special thanks to Glenn and George for the jokes. Flush Twice would not be possible if not for the dedicated people who contribute the jokes to this site. You can contribute jokes here or by emailing them to flush2x@gmail.com.
Pax,
-f2x
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.
“Oh, we’ll never need that,” said the wife. “We have a great relationship. I was a communications major in college, and he majored in theatre arts.”
The husband added, “That’s right. She communicates well, and I act like I’m listening.”
While taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.
After an hour-long wait, the plane finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?”
“The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained the flight attendant, “and it took us a while to find a new pilot.”
Lisa had a problem. She couldn’t make up her mind about two of her suitors. She decided to try her luck by going to a fortune teller for advice.
“I love both Virgil and Jerry, and they both love me,” explained Lisa. “But I don’t know which one I should marry. Who will be the lucky one?”
The soothsayer gazed into her crystal ball and said, “I can see that you will marry Virgil, and Jerry will be the lucky one.”
